Marshmallow Crack Lions

Thanksgiving Wins.

Nov 18, 2023

Thanksgiving is around the corner. As far as I’m concerned, it is the best holiday. Here’s why…

THE PACING
Not only does the Thanksgiving holiday basically grant many people a guaranteed four days off of work, but the actual holiday part falls on the first of those four days. It’s not like Halloween or the Fourth of July that might fall on a random Monday which could leave you physically spent by the time the day rolls around or you have to return to work the next day or whatever. With Thanksgiving, you really get to start to unwind that Wednesday evening, then you go all out on that Thursday, and then you get three more days after that to relax and recover.

THE FOOD
It’s arguably the most food-centric of all the holidays. You can literally prep and cook for days leading up to Thanksgiving, not to mention the day itself. And whether you like to do the cooking or just do the eating, you can choose an angle and enjoy. Sure, the insistence on Turkey as a main course can get a little stale, but the sides are where it’s at. It’s fun to come up with new ones to mix into the menu each year. My list of inspirational sides is below.

THE LIONS
For better or worse, football seems to entrench itself deeper into our American culture a little more each year, and Thanksgiving is no exception. My family and neighbors always try to squeeze in some form of impromptu adults and kids “Turkey Bowl” football game in the morning, and afterwards, the steady stream of games on TV from morning until night makes for a wonderful background soundtrack. Also, with my Detroit roots, I can’t help but love the fact that the Lions have pretty much been the sole football team that has consistently been a part of this day since the 1930s when the games were broadcast nationally over the radio. Then in the 50s, the Lions were the first team to be broadcast on TV on Thanksgiving, and it wasn’t until 1968 when the Cowboys threw a tantrum and muscled their way into the Thanksgiving day football schedule. Though the last six decades have led to the majority of the country complaining about having to watch the Detroit Lions lose another game while they prepped a turkey, this year presents a much different picture as the Lions are one of the hottest and most entertaining teams in the NFL. So don’t blow it this year, Lions!

Since we are on the topic of the Detroit Lions, I happen to know the biggest Lions fan of all time—Ron Craciola—known to most as “Crack.” Be on the lookout for him Thursday, because I can guarantee that he will get a few seconds of national TV airtime at the Lions game where he will be leading the charge from the stands while dressed in head to toe Lions garb. Cut off denim overalls. Custom Lions hard hat. Knee high Lions-colored argyle socks. Blue and silver mardi gras beads and a giant Lions medallion around his neck. Blue face paint. He is a sight to behold and yells himself horse at nearly ever Lions game that he attends, both home and away. If you are lucky enough to be on a pre-game flight with him to Kansas City or Philly or Seattle, you will get treated to a full throated Lions fight song before disembarking.

Crack is actually a dear friend of my dad, Kent. I’m not even sure if Crack ever actually knew my name because he would always just call me “Little Kent.” The two were softball teammates in the Detroit area for years, and I’ve lost count of all the hilarious tales that I would hear them tell after a game while splitting a case of Miller Lite. I recently discovered this short story that I wrote back in 2004 that features some of Crack and Kent’s softball team exploits while on a softball trip in Northern Michigan…

Back behind Standlick’s house, beyond the karaoke set-up on the outdoor patio, but not as far as the sand volleyball court, everyone was hanging out around the campfire. There was my dad’s entire softball team and half the block. Girls huddled on the ground near the fire. Most everyone else stood, laughing, talking, drinking.

Above them all stood Ron Craciola, affectionately known as “Crack.” He wasn’t the best athlete on the softball team, but he was undoubtedly the star. He was about fifty, and had the energy of a fifteen year old. He was known throughout the Midwest for his antics as the ultimate Detroit Lions fan where he would yell so loud you can hear him on the telecast. Now, Miller Lite in hand, his voice was heard loud and clear around the fire.

“We’re driving up to Bay City on Seventy-five, and it’s bumper to bumper. It’s ten in the morning and I decide we need a drink. So I get up out of the driver’s seat and say, ‘Stretch, take over!”

Stretch interrupts, “He gets up with the motor home still in drive.”

“While we’re driving,” Crack continues, “I say it’s time we have a drink. So I go to the back and make some Bloody Mary’s for the team, and we’re still not going anywhere. So I decide to offer our neighbors a drink.”

Kent starts in, “He kicks open the door of the RV...WHAM!”

“While we’re driving. On the freeway, he does this,” Stretch adds. Everyone is laughing now.

Kent continues, “The door flies open...and Crack...” Kent laughs as he talks, “Crack, he offers a Bloody Mary to the car in the next lane. On I-75!”

Crack chimes in, “Would you happen to have some Grey Poupon!” Everyone reels with laughter.

Kent says, “The man is passing out alcohol on the freeway to the other drivers!”

“They loved it!” Crack says.

“They thought you were nuts!” Bud says.

“They thought I was frickin’ Santa Claus!” Crack yells as the laughs drift off into the night.