The Big Five-O
Ramblings and reflections from my first fifty years.
What follows is a meandering, cursory list of reflections and learnings from fifty years of trying to make sense of this life as a father, husband, son, coworker, boss, friend, foodie and traveler. Much of it you’ve heard before, and some of it is tailored from my personal experience. If I’m being honest, I haven’t followed through with all of these, but I find them to be wise and worthwhile advice. The images are also a random mix from my archives over the last 30 years or so.
(Immediate fam in Chicago; Bigger fam in Chicago; Gus and Ava in Amagansett; Jen and myself in Morocco; Jen, myself and Izzy on Long Island; Gus, Ava, myself and a parrot in Florida; Myself, mom, grandpa Mick and Ava; Jen and I; Gus and I)
Floss.
Vote.
Network.
Stay curious.
Embrace change.
Dance more.
Study abroad.
Relish sunsets.
Always be learning.
Travel by train.
Seek celestial events.
Respect others’ differences.
Don’t diss Delaware.
Learn to like dogs.
Make room for plants.
Drink lots of water.
Get a Mick Kit.
Make time for yourself.
Always go to the lake.
Find joy in small things.
Skateboarding is not a crime.
No phones at the dinner table.
Listen. Really listen. Listen some more.
Never put ketchup on a hot dog.
Have a well-packed beach bag.
(Leyla, Jo, Gtodd, Lars, Holly, Sugar, Minyo, Bradley, Jen, Kate, Sean, Ben, Munoz, me, Myra and Greene)
With kids, showing up is half the battle.
Work hard to make those around you feel good.
Read books to your children, every day if possible.
Every once and while, eat dinner by yourself at a bar.
Seek little things you can do everyday to live a greener life.
If you are within 500 miles of an eclipse’s path of totality, go.
Pick a favorite Champions League soccer team and stick with ‘em.
(Marty and I in Bozeman; Josh and I in LA; me being shot on set in Boston; Playing chess against Danish Hans; Ripp and I in Tennessee; Me, Davidson, Leahy, Saur and Carr)
Embrace, engage, and contribute to your community when raising kids.
Call your mom more often than you think is necessary.
Get to know a butcher, a baker, and a local coffee maker.
Give your kids a few basic chores they have to complete each week.
Learn how to play a musical instrument, or at the very least, learn how to play at least one recognizable melody on a piano or guitar.
When travelling to a new country, study its language and learn how to say “hello,” “how are you,” “thank you,” “please,” “yes,” “no,” and “where’s a good place to eat or drink around here?”
If you have relatives who live in a distant country, don’t skip a chance to visit them.
(Yorgos and I tending the spit in Athens; The Romanelli’s and I cheersing in Alvito)
If you want to reduce stress for an important meeting or class or project, dedicate more time to preparation, studying, practicing.
When giving a speech, write down as much of the speech as you can. Then, break down the key points into a handful of 3 word phrases so that when you speak, you will say what you want to say but be more conversational with your delivery.
In the workplace, develop a reputation of being positive, enthusiastic, reliable, and a meaningful contributor.
If you run a business, the feeling that you are going to go out of business is not going to go away, so learn to live with it.
Always be on the lookout for opportunities. The smallest interactions can sometimes lead to big things.
(The Arc crew on WGN for Movember, Kathy and I on the balcony at D/CAL, Adam, myself, Tony and Staab in Detroit)
Work hard to ask meaningful questions.
Only in the most extreme cases should you check your luggage on an airplane.
When traveling to an island that is smaller than 15 miles, rent a scooter.
Learn how to handle a gun, but don’t own one, and address anyone who carries one professionally.
Don’t let your kids use social media or have their own phone until they are at least 12 years old.
(Me in Morocco, Florida, Las Vegas, Santorini, and Venice)
Figure out what excites you and find a way to lean into it as a career.
Look people in the eye when speaking to them, and have a good handshake.
When hosting others, anticipate and fulfill the needs with warmth and kindness.
Prioritize the things that you can influence, and stress less about the things that are beyond your control.
Read Will Strunk Jr.s’ “Elements of Style.” It will make you a stronger writer, and no matter what you pursue in life, the ability to write well will always be of value.
Use a pen/pencil and paper/notebook and write down anything you want to fully absorb. Don’t rely on just listening and remembering. Write it down.
Learn a joke, a few card games (i.e., Euchre, Hearts), a few dice games (i.e., Liar’s Dice, Tenzi), how to drive a stick shift, how to change a tire, how to change a furnace filter, how to unclog a drain, how to set up a tent, how to play Chess, Backgammon, Risk, Monopoly, Blackjack, how to fill out a score card for bowling and golf, how to sew a button onto a shirt and hem a pair of pants.
(Me skating in Hart Plaza in Detroit around 1993)
Don’t waste a chance to celebrate the milestones and achievements of those around you.
If you want to survive a dreary midwest winter, plan at least one good trip to a ski resort.
If you have crummy tickets at Wrigley Field, try moving to section 232 where you can usually find a seat and sit in the sun.
Failing is learning. Don’t dwell on the negatives of failure. Figure out what you can learn from it and move on.
There are interesting things worth discovering in any town in the world, no matter how small or remote or unfamous the place is. When in doubt, seek out a local record store, diner, dive bar or non-chain cafe or restaurant. If it’s a small town in Wisconsin, seek out the supper club.
(Vernazza, San Francisco, Hanoi, Empire, Aitutaki, Lindos, Florence)
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes before rushing to judgment.
Listen to Brahms or Bill Evans if you want to hunker down and get some work done.
Carry a notebook and write down seemingly inconsequential things that you may want to recall in the future…the name of an entree or bottle of wine you liked at a restaurant, the attendees at a meeting, the places you visited or acquaintances you met on a trip, etc.
Seek out multiple sources for understanding various perspectives on a topic, rather than relying on a single source.
Go to Venice, Prague, New Orleans, Tokyo, Bangkok, Copenhagen, Buenos Aires, Hanoi, Tangiers, and Oia, Santorini.
Even if you don’t like golf, make an effort to follow the various storylines of the Masters every year.
Always be on the lookout for new and interesting condiments.
When it comes to food, fashion, and travel find pleasure in both the high and the low.
Stay one night at the Hostel in the Forest.
(Myself and my dad on his 50th, July 2001, Madison, Wisconsin)
Learn what fruits and vegetables are in season where you live, buy the freshest, high quality versions you can find, and incorporate them into your meals as much as possible.
Take a walk every day to clear your mind, ponder a topic, chat with a loved one, or work off a meal.
If you don’t know what wine to buy, look for something from a place that you are fond of like Sicily or Sonoma and just roll with it.
Never miss an opportunity to tell the people that mean the most to you that you love them.
Follow Uncle Pappy.
Start saving a little bit of money on a regular basis as early as you can in life and don’t touch it for as long as you can.
Pick a film director whose movies you admire and study up on the choices they made to make their movies.
(Michigan City, IN)
Play two different sports in one day as often as possible.
Watch “Planes Trains and Automobiles” every November and “It’s a Wonderful Life” every December.
If your family or close friends have some annual traditions, embrace them as much as possible. If you don’t have any, invent some.
Write thank you notes as often as you can manage.
Don’t rely on your phone for navigation. Study a map.
Find a poem you like, study it, and try to remember a few key verses. Consider “If—” by Rudyard Kipling.
Instead of doom scrolling yourself to sleep every night, keep a book near your bed and read a chapter before retiring for the night.
Make it a goal to visit at least one art museum, one science or history museum, one play, and attend one classical music concert or opera each year. Bonus points if you can also visit a national park, aquarium, planetarium, botanical garden, or a zoo.
Create a list of old, classic movies that you can refer to for something to do on rainy, dreary days.
Read a real newspaper on the weekends. I recommend FT Weekend.
Buy a good unstructured blazer and when in doubt, wear it.
Find a recipe you like and master the preparation for each of the following: an egg, a cocktail, an entree, a side dish, a salad, and a pasta sauce.
Be imaginative and ambitious with the life you want to live.
