Vernors Fruit Chew
Thoughts on non-chocolate candy and obscure costumes.
This being Halloween and all, I have prepared a few lists about costumes and candy…
List of Halloween Costumes that Ryan Has Worn in His Lifetime
If you are in need of a last minute Halloween costume, don’t ask me, as I tend to get a little obscure with mine…
15) The “Super Spreader” which was an ill-advised fake Covid-era superhero
14) “Scoops Ahoy” worker from “Stranger Things”
13) Batman’s sidekick, Robin
12) “A bag of garbage” - Apparently when I was a 2 year old, my parents stuffed me in a garbage bag from the neck down and taped a piece of lettuce to my head for a last minute DIY costume.
11) Harry Caray
10) Willy Wonka
9) Aquaman
8) A Ghostbuster (I used a Walkman to play the theme song during the Halloween parade at my elementary school)
7) Eli Cash from the Royal Tenenbaums (with homemade pocket edition of “Old Custer”)
6) Han Solo
5) Beard Papa (Best cream puff ever if you don’t know it already)
4) Jiminy Cricket
3) The Vernors Gnome (Fun fact: His name was Jerome)
2) Cap’n Crunch
1) Zan from the Wonder Twins (Jen was Jayna)
Not on this list is my baffling attempt of portraying a masked burglar from the 1960s French film, “Le Cercle Rouge.”
I’ve been known to enjoy a handful of Haribo from time to time, and below are my favorite Halloween candies. This topic is kind of a rabbit hole for me, so I ended up making a few different candy-related lists…
List of the Best Non-Chocolate Halloween Candies
10) Skittles - Can’t go wrong.
9) The Vanilla Tootsie Roll Fruit Chew - The original Tootsie Roll midgets are fine, the logs are better, but the fruit chews are really where it’s at, and the best flavor of the bunch is the Vanilla fruit chew.
8) Hi-chew - Individually wrapped fruit candy with a sensuous chew from Japan.
7) Twizzler Pull ‘n Peel - The best of the non-Australian licorice. Best enjoyed if you don’t pull the strands apart.
6) Mary Jane’s - The depression-era, peanut butter and molasses-flavored taffy-esque candy still holds up.
5) Zotz - These are almost like two candies in one as first you suck on their hard oval shell, and once you get to the center, you experience a pleasing, fizzy, sour sensation.
4) Sour Patch Kids - Soft, sweet, sour, scrumptious.
3) Mike and Ike’s - Classic feel good chew.
2) Haribo Gold Bears - King of the gummies.
1) Black Jacks Black Taffy - This is a dark horse, to say the least, but this is the perfect Halloween candy. Great flavor. Satisfying chew. Classic, old school wrapper. Supposedly it is based on black licorice, but I’ve never got that at all. It’s like a taste all its own. Hard to find, but worth it if you can track them down.
Honorable mention for Pay Day, Strawberry Starbursts, Twizzler Cherry Nibs, and Sparkle Cherry Laffy Taffy.
List of the Best Chocolate Halloween Candies
10) Whatchamacallit - Chocolate, caramel and peanut butter crisp is a solid combo. I’m not a huge fan, but my wife, Jen, is, so I’m throwing her a bone here.
9)Butterfinger - These are a bit much by themselves, but a delight when blended into ice cream.
8) Twix - Good flavor combo. Good proportion. Always nice to have the second.
7) Baby Ruth - In 1923, the brand airdropped thousands of Baby Ruths—each with its own parachute—over the city of Pittsburgh. Still good to this day.
6) Charleston Chew - Generous size. Perfect proportion of chocolate shell to marshmallow nougat center. Vibrant when enjoyed just out of the freezer.
5) Clark Bar - This tasty bar slips under most people’s radar, but the crispy core of peanut butter and spun taffy is a winner.
4) Snickers - Tried and true and still a top taste.
3) Milk Duds - Chocolate coated caramel splendor. The little boxes typically distributed at Halloween always leave you craving more.
2) Toffifee - This is a rarity on Halloween, but it is hard to top this little bundle of caramel, nougat, choclate and hazelnut joy.
1) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups - Not the miniature cups, not the thins, not the white chocolate cups, not the pretzel big cup, not the skeletons, and not even the pumpkins. It’s gotta be the standard 1.5oz sized milk chocolate peanut butter cup, and when they are fresh, they are top candy.
List of the Worst Halloween Candies
Some candies are like kryptonite…
15) Necco Wafers - Tastes like church.
14) Smarties - Crack for kids.
13) Circus Peanuts - Pastel styrofam.
12) Mr. Goodbar - Chocolate, peanuts, yawner.
11) Jolly Rancher - Palate destroyer.
10) Dum Dums - If you’re gonna pass out suckers, please make it Tootsie Roll Pops.
9) 3 Musketeers - Nougat bummer.
8) Red Vines - Plastic pipettes.
7) Raisinets - Chocolate covered rejects.
6) Jujubes - These should be banned.
5) Nestle Crunch - Crisped rice agony.
4) Hershey Kiss - Sad cocoa tears.
3) Hershey Bar - Mass produced blandness.
2) Almond Joy - There is no joy in coconut and almonds.
1) Mounds - Shredded coconut misery.
Every trick or treater’s worst nightmare.
List of Best Gummy Candies
I’m a bit of gummy connoisseur. These are my best finds…
7) Efrutti “Gummi Slider” - Five separate layers (two buns, cheese, lettuce, and what appears to be either a tomato or a beef patty) tucked into a little clear clamshell package.
6) Recolino Panditas “Rellenos” - Hailing from Mexico, the unlikely flavor combination in this gummy bear makes for a truly refreshing experience. It’s a combination of sweet pepino melon and savory Chamoy. Pepino melon tastes somewhere between a cucumber and a honeydew. Chamoy is a savory condiment that is somehow a little sweet, salty, sour and spicy all at the same time. It’s made from dried fruit like mangos or plums combined with chiles and a little citrus.
5) Haribo Roulette - Similar to Lifesavers in size and shape, but gummy. Despite sharing the same flavors as Haribo Gold Bears, Roulette somehow tastes different, but still appetizing.
4) Haribo Starmix - Supposedly the shapes that make up the Starmix are the most popular Haribo individual gummies combined into one mix. Gold Bears, Cola Bottles, Twin Snakes, Cherries, and Friendship Rings. Gummy Cola Bottles can be a bit one note by themselves, but they are a welcome feature within this mix.
3) Albanese Ultimate 8 Flavor Gummi Bears - This particular offering from the Albanese gummy universe includes a refreshing mix of flavors that are a little less sweet than other gummy bears and offer a pleasing soft texture. Alphonso Mango, Rubus Raspberry, Asian Pear, Black Currant, Blood Orange, Crimson Cranberry, Fuji Apple & Queen Pineapple.
2) Maynard’s Wine Gums - Hailing from the UK, wine gums are thicker and typically more chewy than gummy bears and have a great flavor all their own. While Maynard’s shapes each feature the name of a wine—port, sherry, champagne, burgundy, and claret—there’s no wine or alcohol in them. Rather, the flavors are likely based on fruits such as lime, berry and black currant.
1) Haribo Goldbaren - If you can get your hands on the “made in Germany” version of the original Haribo Goldbaren, you will find the exact same flavors as the Gold Bears that are available all around the US, but the German ones will have a slightly firmer texture and will be sightly less sweet, resulting in an overall superior experience.
NOTE: I actually used to eat so many Haribo gummy bears that when I studied abroad in Florence, Italy, I received a care package from my dentist which was a big box of Haribo gummy bears.
List of the Best Candies that you can get in Ireland
Getting a bit specific here, but I lived for a time in Ireland and discovered a whole new world of confectionary splendor. Many of these gems hail from England and you can find most of these in the US if you poke around online…
10) Mars Bar - Caramel, nougat, milk chocolate. Similar to a Milky Way, but Mars’ better ingredients make it far superior.
9) Rhubarb and Custards - Love this flavor combo. This boiled sweet is perfect when taken with a spot of tea in the garden.
8) Nestle Lion Bar - Rugged combo of chewy caramel, crisp wafer, crunchy cereal, and milk chocolate.
7) Irish Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar - There are versions of the melt-in-your-mouth “Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar” for the US, UK, and Ireland, each with a slight recipe variation to suit local markets. The rich milk chocolate of the Irish version is the best of the bunch.
6) Cadbury Dream Bar - The white chocolate version of a Cadbury chocolate bar is top notch.
5) Cadbury Roses - An iconic mix of different types of individually wrapped chocolates. Everybody has their favorite flavor such as orange cream, hazelnut swirl, and classic caramel.
4) Maltesers - In the US, we have Whoppers. In Europe, they have Maltesers. Europe wins.
3) Cadbury Crunchie - Honeycomb toffee draped in chocolate. Simple. Elegant. Delicious.
2) Maynard’s Wine Gums - Super satisfying chew.
1) Cadbury Curly Wurly - Super slender candy bar consisting of chocolate-coated toffee with a great chew and mouthfeel.
The leaves have changed around these parts.
• “Let There Be Drums,” Incredible Bongo Band
• “Playgirl 70-Party Music 5,” Piero Piccioni
• “La Horse,” Jean-Claude Vannier
• “Bees,” Caribou
• “Garcia Counterpoint,” Bryce Dressner
• “Box of Rain,” Kurt Vile, The Violators, J Mascis
Recent Listens are on Spotify.
